Stupid American History: Tales of Stupidity, Strangeness, and Mythconceptions Read online

  UP, UP, AND AWAY

  It is sometimes reported that one year after Charles Lindbergh flew solo across the Atlantic Ocean in May 1927, Amelia Earhart became the first woman to do the same. Well, she did fly across the Atlantic in June 1928 but only as a passenger—she wasn’t trained to fly on “instruments” and did not pilot the aircraft. When interviewed after landing, she said, “I was just baggage, like a sack of potatoes.” She added, “…maybe someday I’ll try it alone.” And in May 1932 she did just that.

  To her credit, in January 1935, Amelia Earhart became the first person to fly solo from Honolulu, Hawaii, to Oakland, California.

  IN 1875, JAMES STEPHEN HOGG, THE FIRST NATIVE-BORN

  TEXAN TO BECOME THE STATE’S GOVERNOR,

  NAMED HIS DAUGHTER: IMA.

  A TALL TALE

  In 1869, while digging a well at an upstate New York farm just outside the town of Cardiff, workers found what appeared to be the petrified body of a man, but not just any man—a ten-foot-tall giant. When New York cigar maker George Hull, who had hired the workers, found out about their discovery, he began touring with the petrified body, which was known as the Cardiff Giant. He charged people 50 cents to see it. P. T. Barnum, who knew a good thing when he saw it, offered to buy the giant from Hull, and when Hull refused, he simply created his own giant and put it on display. He then sued Hull, declaring the original to be a fake. During the trial, Hull admitted the giant was an elaborate hoax, carved from gypsum and washed with sulfuric acid to make it look old. He created the hoax for two reasons: first, because he had an argument with a fundamentalist preacher concerning the “giants in the Earth” mentioned in the Bible; and, second, to make a bunch of money off the rubes of the Earth.

  IN 1938, TIME MAGAZINE NAMED AS ITS MAN OF THE YEAR

  —ADOLF HITLER.

  THE END OF HIS ROPE

  In 1872, criminals Patrick Morrissey, convicted of stabbing his mother to death, and Jack Gaffney were hanged by the neck until dead by the sheriff of Erie County, New York, who had the nickname The Buffalo Hangman. In 1885, the notorious hangman was referred to by another name, President Grover Cleveland.

  Richard Nixon was the only person ever elected twice to both the office of president and the office of vice president. He also holds the less distinguished honor of being the only president ever to resign.

  HOW TO AFFORD A FORD

  We’ve all heard the infamous remark made by Henry Ford concerning the variety of colors for his Model T Ford: “Any color so long as it’s black.” But what most people don’t know is that the car originally was painted green with a red stripe. However, it was only after an engineer discovered that black paint dried faster and therefore would speed up the assembly line process [it was cheaper, too] that Ford made the decision to paint all of his cars black.

  NO ONE KNOWS WHAT CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS REALLY

  LOOKED LIKE BECAUSE HE NEVER SAT FOR A PAINTING.

  WASHINGTON’S EMBARRASSING DISCHARGE

  It’s highly likely that the father of our country wasn’t able to father a child by anybody. Even though George Washington claimed that he always wanted children, he and Martha never conceived. Martha, who had four children in seven years during her previous marriage, obviously wasn’t at fault, so that leaves only one possibility: Washington had a monumental problem.

  John Kennedy, at age forty-three, was not the youngest president of the United States.

  The youngest president was Theodore Roosevelt at forty-two. Kennedy, however, was the youngest man to be elected president—Roosevelt became president after McKinley died from an assassin’s bullet on September 14, 1901.

  NOT WHOLE CLOTH

  One thing about the Declaration of Independence that isn’t widely known is that Jefferson had to present the document to Congress for approval. Congress debated the document and, of course, made changes. In total, Congress made eighty-six revisions to Jefferson’s masterpiece, eliminating 480 of his words. The most striking changes were that Congress removed all references to “the execrable commerce”—slavery.

  THAT’S SNOT A GOOD NAME!

  In 1962 the city council of Burleson, Texas, officially changed the name of Town Creek to Little Booger Creek. In 2001, when city managers wanted to apply for a federal grant for a creek-side hike and bike trail, they decided to change the name back to Town Creek so the paperwork wouldn’t have a “booger” on it.

  No American president has been an only child. Although, technically, Franklin D. Roosevelt had a younger half brother, Gerald Ford had four half brothers and two half sisters, and Bill Clinton has one younger half brother.

  TAG, YOU’RE IT!

  There’s a myth that circulated for years concerning government dog tags issued to United States Army personnel during World War II. This particularly morbid myth concerns the notches on both sides of the tags. It is rumored that the notches were placed between the teeth of a dead soldier, and then the mouth was kicked shut, ensuring the proper identification of the corpse. But the real answer is that the notches are there to hold the tag in place on the embossing machine. The new dog tags, which use a different embossing machine, don’t have the notches.

  YOU SAY TOMATO AND I SAY TOMATO

  It wasn’t until the early 1800s that Americans began eating tomatoes, even though they are native to North America. It was believed that they were poisonous, because the tomato is related to the sometimes deadly Nightshade family. However, tomatoes were grown as decorative plants and commonly referred to as “love apples.” Thomas Jefferson was a fan of the tomato [or “tomatas,” as he called them in his journal] and grew them abundantly in his garden despite their unpopularity. Thomas Mann Randolph, Jefferson’s son-in-law, in his 1824 speech before the Albemarle Agricultural Society, mentioned that tomatoes were relatively unknown ten years earlier, but by 1824 everyone was eating them because it was believed they “kept one’s blood pure in the heat of summer.”

  DETAILS, DETAILS, DETAILS

  President Martin Van Buren wrote his autobiography during 1862, the last year of his life, finally dictating it shortly before he died. But for some reason, Van Buren overlooked one aspect of his life—the fact that he had been married. He never mentioned his wife, Hannah Hoes, in the book at all.

  SAMUEL MUDD, THE DOCTOR WHO TREATED THE BROKEN ANKLE

  OF LINCOLN’S ASSASSIN, JOHN WILKES BOOTH, RECEIVED

  A PRESIDENTIAL PARDON IN 1869 BY ULYSSES S. GRANT.

  CONTRARY TO SOME BELIEFS, THE PHRASE “YOUR NAME IS MUD!”

  DIDN’T ORIGINATE WITH DR. MUDD.

  A TAXING SITUATION

  Taxes and America have had a long past. In fact, the fight against “taxation without representation” helped drive us to become a free country in the first place. So when did we decide that taxing ourselves was okay? It started in 1861 when Congress passed the first income tax law as an emergency measure to fund the Civil War. In 1872, Congress repealed the income tax law but twenty-two years later, after complaints about excessive tariffs, Congress again approved an income tax. In 1895, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the income tax law was unconstitutional, and it was revoked. So what to do when a law is unconstitutional? Change the Constitution. Which is exactly what was done when the Sixteenth Amendment to the Constitution was enacted in 1913.

  NOT IN A BOX, NOT WITH A FOX

  Twenty-three New York publishers rejected Theodor Geisel’s first book before one decided it was worth printing. And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street went on to sell millions of copies and started the career of the beloved children’s author, Dr. Seuss.

  DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, MANY BRIDES

  DID NOT WEAR WHITE GOWNS DURING THEIR WEDDING;

  AS A SIGN OF REBELLION, THEY WORE RED.

  COLD, HARSH CASH

  A week before Christmas 1777, George Washington and his Continental Army established camp at Valley Forge, Pennsylvania, for the winter, remaining there until June 1778. It’s true that as many as 2,000 men died dur
ing those six months, but it wasn’t because of the weather. The close quarters were a breeding ground for typhus, typhoid, dysentery, and pneumonia, but the main killer was mismanagement and indifference. Pennsylvania farmers elected to sell their produce to the British instead of the new United States because they trusted the English sterling over the recently minted American money.

  Apollos Rivoire and Deborah Hitchbourn were French Huguenots who moved to Boston after being driven from France. In America, Apollos Rivoire changed his name to Paul Rivoire, and then to Paul Revere—the name he gave to his first son.

  I’LL DRINK TO THAT

  The idea that it was against the law to drink alcoholic beverages during Prohibition [1920–1933] is patently untrue. You were free to drink as much booze as you wanted so as long as the alcohol had been purchased prior to the enactment of the Eighteenth Amendment. The National Prohibition Act, commonly referred to as the “Volstead Act,” established the legal definition of intoxicating liquor as well as providing for enforcement of Prohibition. While the manufacture, sale, and transport of alcohol were illegal under Section 29 of the Volstead Act, it did allow for homemade wine and hard cider from fruit [but no beer]—up to 200 gallons per year.

  DON’T FENCE ME IN

  In 1626, the Dutch purchased “New Amsterdam” from the Native Americans, and soon tensions began to mount. In 1653, Dutch Governor Peter Stuyvesant ordered walls to be erected between the Hudson and East River to protect the town from marauding Indians. Originally, they were basic plank fences, but as tensions mounted, the walls became taller and stronger. In 1669, the British tore down the walls after having taken over New Amsterdam five years earlier, and they renamed it New York. The walls are gone, but they live on in the name given to the street that ran alongside them—Wall Street.

  BREAKING THE RULES

  John H. Eaton, U.S. senator from Tennessee, was the youngest senator ever elected. He was twenty-eight years old when he was sworn in on November 16, 1818, even though the minimum age requirement set forth in the United States Constitution is thirty years.

  John Sedgwick, a Union general during the Civil War, was killed during the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House on May 9, 1864, while watching Confederate troops. His last words were, “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.”

  IT’S THE ALABASTER PLASTER

  Many of us have heard the story that the White House got its name because, after the British burned it in August 1814 during the War of 1812, it was painted white to hide the damage. And if that were true it wouldn’t be in this book. Massachusetts Congressman Abijah Bigelow wrote to a colleague on March 18, 1812 [three months before the United States declared war on Britain on June 18, 1812], “There is much trouble at the White House, as we call it.” The White House has been called, at various times in history, the “President’s House,” the “President’s Palace,” and the “Executive Mansion.” In 1901 President Theodore Roosevelt officially named it the White House.

  THEIR NATIVE TONGUE

  The first Bible printed in America [the New Testament in 1661 and the full text in 1663] was not the King James version, nor was it written in English, French, or German. It was written in the Massachusetts Indian dialect—Algonquin. The “Algonquin Bible,” or “Mamusse Wunneetupanatamwe up-Biblum God naneeswe Nukkone Testament kah wonk Wusku Testament,” as it is technically known, was translated by John Eliot and published in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

  In 1978, President Jimmy Carter, the first Southerner elected to the presidency following the Civil War, restored U.S. citizenship to Jefferson Davis, president of the Confederate States of America.

  EAT MY SHORTS, MAN

  “Baghdad Betty,” an Iraqi government propaganda broadcaster, warned American soldiers during the first Gulf War that “Bart Simpson is making love to your wife.” The story, which ran rampant during the early 1990s, was supposed to be the modern equivalent of the infamous but fictitious propagandist Tokyo Rose. According to a 1991 article in the Toronto Star, the rumor started as a monologue by Johnny Carson on his August 22, 1990, broadcast of The Tonight Show. But in the original monologue the men making love to American soldiers’ wives were Tom Selleck, Tom Cruise, and Homer Simpson. The story evolved to Bart Simpson, probably because it made the Iraqis seem stupid and easy to conquer.

  IT WASN’T UNTIL THE EARLY 1990S THAT WOMEN WERE

  ALLOWED TO WEAR PANTS ON THE SENATE FLOOR.

  MENTIONING HER UNMENTIONABLES

  On August 8, 1840, a Comanche war party attacked the port town of Linnville, Texas, burning, looting, and rampaging. Most of the settlers escaped in their small boats, but Juliet Watts and her husband, Hugh, ran back to their house to save their possessions. The Comanche killed Hugh and kidnapped Juliet. Days later, as the retreating Indians were attacked and defeated by a posse at the Battle of Plum Creek, Mrs. Watts was shot in the breast with an arrow. One thing stood between the arrow and certain death for Mrs. Watts—her corset.

  THE FAKE GUN JOHN DILLINGER USED TO ESCAPE FROM

  THE LAKE COUNTY JAIL IN CROWN POINT, INDIANA, ON

  MARCH 3, 1934, WAS CARVED FROM WOOD—NOT SOAP.

  BACK TOO SOON?

  John Scott Harrison [1804–1878] was an Ohio representative and the only man to be both the father and son of U.S. presidents. His father was William Henry Harrison [ninth president] and his son was Benjamin Harrison [twenty-third president]. His body was stolen by gravediggers and sold to the Medical College of Ohio in Cincinnati for use as a training cadaver. It was eventually recovered and re-interred.

  THAT’S TOO BAAAAD

  In 1918 during World War I, President Woodrow Wilson allowed sheep to graze on the White House lawn to replace the gardeners who had volunteered to serve in the armed forces. He was able to raise $52,823 for the Red Cross by shearing the sheep and selling their wool.

  The initials “LBJ” didn’t just stand for Lyndon Baines Johnson. They actually stood for every member of the Johnson family: Lady Bird Johnson, his wife; their daughters, Lynda Bird Johnson and Luci Baines Johnson; and the family dog, Little Beagle Johnson.

  GOT YOU UNDER MY SPELL

  Theodore Roosevelt never backed down from a fight even when his opponent was Merriam-Webster. Roosevelt was a believer in simplifying the spelling of hundreds of English words, particularly eliminating silent vowels. He ordered the U.S. Government Printing Office to change the spelling of 300 specific words in all government publications. Some of the spelling changes didn’t fare so well: “kissed” became “kist,” “addressed” became “addrest,” “blushed” became “blusht,” “crossed” became “crost,” and “gypsy” became “gipsy.” The “s” was exchanged for a “z” in “exorcize” and “compromize,” and the “e” was kicked out of the word “whisky.” When Congress came back into session they debated the issue and voted against Roosevelt and his “bully” language. One word change that eventually resurfaced was the spelling of “through” to “thru.”

  THE DEVIL AND WEBSTER’S DICTIONARY

  Henry Watterson, editor of the Louisville Courier-Journal, amused or angered over Theodore Roosevelt’s tampering with the English language, wrote: “Nuthing escapes Mr. Rucevelt. No subject is tu hi fr him to takl, nor tu lo for him tu notis. He makes tretis without the consent of the Senit. He inforces such laws as meet his approval, and fales to se those that du not soot him. He now assales the English langgwidg, constitutes himself a sort of French Academy, and will reform the spelling in a way tu soot himself.”

  IN 1937, GERTRUDE STEIN, AN AMERICAN WRITER WHO

  SPENT MOST OF HER LIFE IN FRANCE, PROPOSED THAT

  ADOLF HITLER RECEIVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

  MOTHER KNOWS BEST

  At age fourteen, George Washington received word from his half-brother Lawrence that the British Royal Navy was seeking a new midshipman. Washington knew a spot in His Majesty’s Navy would mean a lifetime of adventure as well as a wonderful career. His mother, Mary, who ruled over George most of his
life, seriously considered the plan and at one point nearly gave George her blessing. But after some soul searching, Mary decided that George should stay with her and not dedicate his life to the sea. We should all be thankful for Mary Washington’s decision because had she allowed George to take that appointment in 1746, he would have been fighting on the side of the British during the American Revolution!